What is the Shadow Self and What Should You Do With It?
Don’t be afraid!
What is the shadow self? This was the question that arose during a recent workshop. The shadow is the side of your personality that contains all the parts of yourself that you don’t want to admit having — qualities which are perceived as dark and unpleasant. It is “part of the unconscious mind composed of repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and embarrassing fears.” We come into the world shadowless, but are then taught good/bad, right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable. As we absorb the concept that our thoughts and actions are bad, wrong or unacceptable, we begin to feel guilt, embarrassment and shame. It happens to all of us. Those feelings and others get tucked away deep inside of our unconscious mind. And shadows are born.
It is only through effort to become self-aware that we begin to recognize our shadows. “If you’re truly honest about growing, changing, and living life to the fullest, you will, at some point, come across many parts of yourself that you’ll find difficult — if not completely disturbing — to accept.” It is important to try, though, because “the denial of the shadow can lead to physical, emotional, psychological, and interpersonal consequences that last for a very long time.” Denying your darkness only creates chaos and disharmony. But turning toward your shadow self helps you to embrace those disconnected parts of yourself, creating balance and wholeness.
Mateo Sol identified 13 types of shadow selves, which he refers to as monsters. I don’t go quite so far as to use the term monster, but I understand what he’s saying. Humans have a tendency to shy away from the unknown because we find it scary. It’s similar to the way that as children we may have been scared of the unknown — the monsters — lurking in the dark. And what are our shadows if not the unknown that lies within us? How do you recognize your shadows? Our shadows can often be found by observing what we like least in other people because, as Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
To find your shadows “you need to be able to look inside yourself and wonder about the key aspects of yourself that justify your version of reality and self-concept. And then think some about what makes you defensive.” What are the things that you desperately try to avoid? Those are your shadows. You must “voyage into the dark, murky waters of the unknown” and valiantly greet what is found.
Once you’ve identified one of your shadows, begin to work on understanding it. Release feelings of guilt and shame. Accept yourself and all of your uniqueness. Find a creative outlet to express that particular shadow. Know that shadow work requires effort. It won’t resolve overnight. Be relentless. Don’t give up. It will be worth the growing pains to emerge on the other side of the shadow.
Help with Shadow Work
- A Complete Guide to the Shadow
- What Color Is Your Shadow Self? (Look for the Let’s Start button!)
- Are You Aware of Your Shadow Self? (Not every question is as interesting as #1.)
- 8 Steps to Heal the Wounded Self
